


A Row of Pills

by WhyAreYouStaring



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressing, Destiel - Freeform, Have fluff for after to soak up your tears, I swear I'll write a happy story next time, I'm so sorry ;-;, Kinda sorta canon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-08 23:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhyAreYouStaring/pseuds/WhyAreYouStaring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean gave up everything in order to save the world: his body, his brother, even his life. But Cas can't live in a world without Dean... So the only option left is to go together, willingly, into whatever comes next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Row of Pills

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god I'm so, so sorry... I just can't seem to write happy things!! 
> 
> Seriously you'll need to think happy thoughts after this. I reccomend this time-tested recipe: Destiel fluff, a *huge* slice of apple pie, and copious amounts of Dean Winchester <3
> 
> ~*enjoy and thanks for reading. love, WhyAreYouStaring*~

   They sat on the edge of the bed, just beyond his lover's fingertips. Ten of them- it seemed too few, but the man who had sold them to him had assured him that they would get the job done.

   ('Are you sure?' said his eyes. 'You've somehow managed to make it this far- are you sure you want to give it all up now?')

   Ten was a good number, he thought. One for each of his favorite memories. Most of them- at least six- were of Dean. And suddenly Cas had to remind himself that he was doing this for Dean's sake... He had promised.  
   He decided that it was only proper to take a few minutes to reflect on what he was giving up. His achievements, goals, and dreams; the kisses and touches, flavors, sights, smells, experiences; his LIFE. Well. No time like the present.

xXx

THE FIRST PILL: A flash of light. An angel, divine by nature and requiring no explanation, is born. God speaks to this new being, already fully formed.  
   "My son... Castiel."

THE SECOND PILL: Cas walks with his brother Gabriel along a narrow dirt path. Cas says something quietly, a laughing glint in his eyes, and Gabe shoves at his shoulder jokingly. Cas stumbles a few steps off the path, then jogs to catch up to his brother. He arrives in fits of breathless laughter, and walks down the path towards a lake shimmering in the distance side-by-side with Gabriel.

THE THIRD PILL: His hand grabs the shoulder of a man far below the surface of human consciousness. Its mark will remain there for the rest of both their lives.

THE FOURTH PILL: Dean is lying in his hospital bed, iv drip in his arm and oxygen tubes in his nose. He has been beaten, bloodied, broken; tossed around, chewed up, and spat back out; and yet Cas has never, ever seen him look so defeated. He looks like a man with nothing left, a black hole of a person.  
   The words he speaks break Cas's heart because he knows that, in part, they are true.  
   "I know our fate rests with you." Cas says. He knows he has to convince Dean to push through, to keep going. He's really and truly their last hope.  
   "Then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas, it's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not a hero, I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me."  
   "No, Dean-"  
   "Cas! It's my fault we're all in this mess anyways. The end of the world, when it comes, will be my fault." Dean takes a deep breath in a futile attempt to contain the storm brewing in his eyes. Tears spill over onto his cheeks, just a few perfect drops first, then a torrent. Cas has no idea what to say to make it better, to fix this broken man who holds the heart of an angel firmly in both of his hands.  
   "It’s not blame that falls on you, Dean. It’s fate." This seems to help somewhat, and Dean's eyes search Cas's face. Their gazes lock. Dean's face is pleading.

THE FIFTH PILL: "What the FUCK do you mean, Sammy's gone??" Dean shouts at Cas. He grabs Cas's arm. "Just use your angel mojo or whatever to find him!" Cas shakes his head.  
   "I can't sense him anymore." Dean swears, releases Cas, and begins to pace. "Dean, you have to consider the possibility that-" A glare from Dean silences Cas.  
   The possibility that Sam said yes, finishes Cas in his head. Lucifer could be very persuasive... Cas of all people should know that.

THE SIXTH PILL: "He's gone, Cas. So now it's just you and me." These words should not make Cas so happy.

THE SEVENTH PILL: Four words changed Cas's existence forever, on that bite-bullet-cold Michigan day. "Cas, I love you." A kiss, hesitant. A connection, stronger than ever before.

THE EIGHTH PILL: "Dean- Uhhhhhh" Moans and scratches and tiny tasting bites; kisses landing butterfly-light on every single one of Dean's freckles, on each of Cas's cheeks, behind knees, on collarbones, and... Less innocent places. This is Cas's first time. It won't be his last.

THE NINTH PILL: "Sam did what he thought was best," Cas says. Dean makes a vague noise of agreement, but doesn't look up from the road. They are driving to the town where Sam was last reported seen: Lawrence, Kansas.

THE TENTH PILL: Michael has convinced Dean to let him "borrow" his body to fight Lucifer, who is possessing Sam. The two sets of brothers battle while Cas watches, being restrained by Bobby. In the earthen plane, Sam swings an ordinary sword towards Dean; above them, invisible to all but creatures of Heaven or Hell, Lucifer chops through the air down towards Michael's neck with a flaming sword.  
   But just as it looks as if good is losing, Dean/Michael stabs upwards and cleanly through Sam/Lucifer's chest. Sam crumpled to the ground as Lucifer's spectral form, floating above the massive battlefield, implores in a blinding flash of white light. Michael dissipates with a noise like fluttering wings, and Dean staggers forward towards his brother's corpse.   
   The elder Winchester is not without his own wounds; he is bleeding heavily- TOO HEAVILY, thinks Cas- from his shoulder. He should be dead soon, with wounds like that.  
   And sure enough, Death appears behind Cas. Cas whirls around and makes to block Death from getting to Dean. A small, sad half-smile appears on Death's face.  
   "It's his time," Death says gently to Cas.   
   "NO. He won, he beat his OWN BROTHER, he's been through so much shit and literally endured He'll to get here... Don't take it all away now." Death fades out, then comes back into focus standing on the other side of Cas, closer to Dean.  
   "There's nothing you can do now, Castiel. Go back to your father." Cas grits his teeth. He has to do something.  
   "...Wait. Take me instead." Death shakes his head.  
   "It doesn't work that way."  
   "Then give me some time... I can't live without him, but I can't just DIE either." This is his solution: Cas can't, WON'T live without Dean. So if Dean must die, then so must Cas.  
   Death hesitates, then nods. "I can give you five minutes to talk to him now. After that... He'll be half-alive, in perpetual sleep, while you get what you need to be able to join him in oblivion." They shake on it. This is a fair bargain; Death fades back out with one last pitying look, and Cas rushes to Dean where he has collapsed beside his brother's corpse.  
   "Dean? Dean?!" Dean stirs, looks up at Cas.  
   "Cas..." he says weakly. Cas grabs his hand, licks his thumb and rubs away a streak of dirt on Dean's forehead, anything to make the reality of the situation disappear for a moment.  
   "Cas, I'm dying. I killed Sammy and now I'm dying." Tears roll down Cas's cheeks and drip onto Dean's ever-present leather jacket.  
   "Don't- don't be scared, Dean. I'm coming too." Dean sighs audibly, a shaky exhalation of pure relief.   
   "Thank god. Cas... I won't be scared if you're there too. Just, promise me-" Dean winces and gasps as waves of pure agony begin to break over him. "Promise me I'll see you on the other side."  
   Cas grips Dean's hand tighter as his eyes close for the very last time. "I promise."

xXx

   Cas swallows all of the pills dry while holding Dean's hand. Almost immediately, he begins to feel his body shutting down, organs and systems failing one by one.  
   His head buzzes, and he thinks he sees another Dean sitting in the chair across from him, his head in his hands. He thinks he sees another Cas stand up from his body and walk over to embrace the other Dean.  
   He thinks he sees Death in the doorway, watching the lovers embrace for the first time since that day almost exactly one week ago now. He thinks he sees Other Cas and Other Dean break free of each others' arms, clasp their hands together, and walk out the door. And then, Cas sees nothing at all.  
   Death lingers in the room for a moment to regard the bodies of the two men who saved the world. He steps closer, sees that their fingers are intertwined even now as Dean flatlines. Death bends over slightly, reaches forward, and gently closes Cas's eyes. Then, he steps out the door and follows the souls of the men down the hallway and into the bright light at the end.


End file.
